On a Mission

Posted By: Ashley

Yesterday was a pretty great day. I got to spend some much needed alone time in the house. I scrubbed the kitchen, watered the plants, weeded the garden, rearranged my son’s room, finally finished unpacking from my trip, painted my toenails; all while listening to my girl, Jill Scott. I felt so accomplished. And it gave me some time to really get to thinkin.

I know I’ve been MIA from the blog for the past few weeks…I’ve been doing some traveling and some reflecting and for awhile I just sorta lost my swagger. So now I’m on a mission and yesterday was the kickoff. Operation Swagg.

I’m on a quest to raise my self-confidence. There are moments and specks of time in my life when I felt genuinely happy and 100% satisfied. Now, I’m trying to gather all of those moments and put them under the microscope to determine how I can have that 100% feeling all of the time. For example, I feel genuine bliss when I’m performing my poetry…so I need to start writing again. I feel waves of peace when I’m at the beach so maybe I need to make some trips this summer. I feel shiny and new when I know I’m eating right and working out and keeping myself healthy…so I need to get back on the running and calorie counting train. It’s those tiny moments of joy that make me feel like I’m on the right path, that I’m exactly where God wants me to be in the moment.

La Jolla Cove, California...taken on my recent trip home

Today, I’m walking with a new pep in my step and someone said that I looked “sassy.” I like that. It reminds me of a verse in one of my favorite poems, “Still I Rise,” by Maya Angelou…

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?

'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

Which reminds me…I’ve had some interesting conversations and encounters with people concerning race relations lately. A stark reminder that I’m living in the south, where confederate flags still fly high in many front yards and the disconnect between Black and White is painfully obvious at times. I remember that so many beautiful people paved the way for me to be here today. An innocent, righteous and holy man DIED so that I could have life.

My sister posted a Bible verse on her FB the other day…‎"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." -Psalm 139:14. Regardless of what people may or may not think of me, it’s most important that I know who I am and live in confidence because GOD knows who I am and I'm made in His image.

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise. 

I am the biggest Jill Scott fan ever. No really. I have all her albums, saw her in concert, and met her once at a party in Philly. I still smile thinking about that, because she has such a beautiful presence about her…she radiates peace. Anyways, she has a new song on her upcoming album called “I’m blessed.” And one line says… “Go to sleep stressed, wake up refreshed…I’m blessed.”

I’m waking up. Operation Swagg is in full swing. 

What suggestions do you have for capturing the moments that make you truly happy?